Daily Prompts

"Oh sure, its my fault that you are so lazy that the one occasion you did something wholesome and healthy, it resulted in a tear in reality itself." Bradley shot back.

"You are just lucky that they have been feeding us since they picked us up off of that deserted island.  It was a close thing for you a couple of times."

"What are you talking about, there was fresh fruit everywhere on that island."

"Given what happened the last time I did something healthy I was not about to do a repeat.  I was close to polymorphing you into a sheep and eating you a couple of times."

Bradley stared at him, "You would rather kill and eat your best and only surviving friend instead of eating an orange?"

"A man does not survive on fruit alone."

"That is not how that quote goes, or what it means, you sick bastard.  I knew  I should have ran when I got that letter from that orginization called "Bradleys against Nick getting Bradleys killed.  Why are all your dead friends named Bradley anyway?"

Suddenly a heavy hand fell on Bradley shoulder, "So you think you can talk instead of Row eh?  Guess I'll have to make an example of you."

As the slave driver unshackled him and dragged him to the prow of the boat to be beaten to death Bradley sobbed, "Please no, take him instead, you are dooming us all."

As the lash began to fall a vortex spang open and sucked Nick back to his home.

Nick drew a line through an item on his list and sighed.. "Hmm, looks like I am going to have to move to New York, I am out of Bradleys in Boston."

Nicolai turned a disgruntled look at the Druid "You know it really annoys me when you do that right?"

The blonde beauty toyed with her long hair for a moment and asked "Do what?"

"That!"

The Duid scratched his pot belly "I have no idea what you are talking about."

"You shift every time I am talking to you."

She settled her generous boobs in their cups, "Why would I do that?"

Nicolai started to glare and was distracted by bouncing. "Pick a form and stick with it!" He quickly averted his gaise from a droopy man boob.

He scratched his 6'oclock shadow, "What is the matter with shifting?"

Nicolai began to answer him and was distracted by her jiggling for a moment. "Do you have any idea how much that messes with my internal monologue?  The editor will probably beat me for switching masculine and feminine in a single sentence."

The druid adjusted a strap on his heavy armor and turned a worried look at Nicolai "Crap, you have an internal monologue and an editor? Fuck, that makes you a hero and me the f'n side kick.  Hold on a sec, I have to find something real quick."  The druid began rooting through her bags.

"Eh? What are you looking for?"

The druid pulled a book out of his bag and showed it to Nicolai, "1,001 things not to say while around a hero if you want to live more then 3 pages."

Nicolai through a disgusted look at her, "It does not work that way."

"Oh yeah? Check this out. "It sure is a good thing we have such good concealment else those enemy archers would fill us with arrows."" Three arrows arched up from below and planted themselves in his throat, heart, and right eye.  "See, if I hadn't read half this book, and shifted because because I knew these were coming I would be dead now." She disgustedly pulled the plucked out the arrows and dropped them.

Nicolai enjoyed the view for a moment then responded, "I'll give you that, now back to the original topic. QUIT SHIFTING LIKE THAT." He turned and retched in the bushes.

The boil covered gangrene infested leper answered "I don't see how my shifting is any of your business."

"Do you have any idea what you are doing to my sex drive? Proper penis calestenics are in and out." Nicolai demonstrated thrusting his middle finger rapidly inside his circled index and thumb. "Not up and down. Come to think of it, what is with your armor, when you are a male you have like 100lbs of leather and steel on, then you turn into a female and you are wearing tissue paper held together by spider web and wishes." He waggled his middle finger rapidly. "Just change into whatever you were before you became a druid."

"I would but I forget."

"How could you forget something like that?"

The Druid considered for a moment, "I think it was because I spent a couple years as a bear when I forgot that I could turn into a human."

"That sounds like a very difficult thing to forget."

"I seem to recall that I was trying to get a wood cutter to leave a certain section of wood alone so I changed into a giant black bear to scare him off.  Unfortunately it was winter time, and the bear instinct to hibernate overwhelmed me.  I went to sleep and after a couple of months dreaming bear dreams I forgot I was human."

"So how long were you a bear?"

"A couple of years I think, it was kind of fuzzy."

Nicolai thought carefully for a moment then asked levely "I don't suppose you did this in Giant Frog forest by any chance?"

"Now that you mention it, I think it was."

Nicolai exlaimed excitedly "Oh my Goddess, you where the Giant Black Bear of Giant Frog Forest."

"Should that mean something to me?"

"That was not a couple of years, that was a couple of centuries.  Almost 300 years I think it was.  You were such a menace that King Richard the edible took 2000 of his finest men in to try and reclaim the forest."

"That doesn't sound like it would turn out well for me."

"You fucking ate him and his entire army.  The power vacuum resulted in a civil war that raged on for 200 years. To this very day nobody goes anywhere near Giant Frog Forest."

"Damn I am awesome."

Nicolai gave the druid a calculating look. "You could just change into a bear and go down there and take care of our entire problem."

She shifted her delectable ass on the rock and answered. "Nah, it is the middle of winter and I would like to avoid the after hibernation crap if at all possible.  Those things are killer."

Nicolai looked disapointed. "Oh well pass me the looking glass then."  Upon recieving it he replied "Ah my faithful companion, what would I do without you."

She  turned a startled glance at him and started to say "Oh you Moth" before a crossbow bolt arced up and smashed into his chest silencing him.

Nicolai couched over his lifeless form distraught, "Oh my I'v gotten you kil..." He abrubptly silenced as the Druids fist crashed into his jaw.

<Insert long stream of profanity here>er.  You should have had to memorize the book 2,317 Things a Hero should never say (unless they are at a point where they could be driven to complete their mission by rage over the death of their companion then it might be OK.)  Before you ever got access to your internal monologue.

Nicolai rubbed his jaw, "I kind of had a temporary recall spell cast on me for that exam."

"Don' you know that saying things like that will get you black listed by the "Sycophantic Underlings, Companions, King's Escorts, Retainers, and Squires guild?"

"OK, I'll try to watch what I say.  How did you survive that Cross bow bolt though?"

The druid pulled the bolt out of his breastplate then pulled his book from underneath of it. "It is the standard sidekick's Lucky Break I tossed it in there after I realized you were a hero. Didn't you study anything in Hero classes?

Nicolai suddenly got a worried look on his face, "I just noticed that my internal monologue seams to have stopped."

The Druid got a delighted look on her face. "I thought I saw a montage when I was talking about my time as a bear."  He turned an evil grin at Nicolai "Congradulation on joining S.U.C.K.E.R.S dues are $3 a week.  Oh, you might need this." Bradeas tossed Nicolai the holey and slightly bloodstained 1,001 things not to say while around a hero if you want to live more then 3 pages.